The Musing Millers: November 2010

The following is the email PJ sent out to all our friends and family about Rodeo leaving us:

Everything is still so surreal right now. I still can't believe he's gone...

Early this morning around 1am, we had to let Rodeo go. It was the most difficult decision we have ever had to make and it hurts...god, it hurts sooo much!

Chad and I decided to go to the grocery store last night with both kids to see how we do. It was just supposed to be a real quick trip. Well, over two hours later we arrived home around 10:45pm to BobbiJo on the phone with my mom. She blurted that something was very wrong with Rodeo, that he was having a hard time breathing and was whining in pain. I immediately started freaking out. Chad picked him up and put him on the kitchen table. He had poop coming out of his butt, so I went to get a paper towel to clean it off, and some baby wipes. That's when Chad yelled that his chest and stomach area was very hard and bloated out. I tried to stay calm, and told Chad that this was an emergency and we had to take him to the emergency hospital. We called VEH in Fort Collins, told them that we believed our ten year old Corgi was suffering from bloat, and ran out the door with Rodeo and Satori (I knew I was going to have to nurse her soon, so she had to come with us...Kimiko stayed home with BobbiJo and the other kids).

On the way there, Rodeo layed on the couch in the back of the van. At one point, I looked back and thought he was either seizing or doing the agonal breathing that happens when they pass on. Chad pulled over to the side of the road, and I climbed into the back to be with him. He was having a very hard time, and a couple times I thought he was already gone. I started singing songs to him that I used to sing to him when he was a puppy, and I was petting him and apologizing for yelling at him earlier in the day when he was chasing Miko around trying to eat her honey bun BobbiJo had given her. I kept telling him how much I loved him and how we were gonna help him and make it better. Chad kept yelling from the driver's seat telling him to hang in there that he was trying to get him to the hospital as fast as he could.

We finally got there and they were ready for us. Chad ran Rodeo in while I got Satori outta the van. Chad said that they asked if he wanted them to resuscitate him, and when he told them yes, they started getting an IV going and got him on oxygen. I finally got in there and they were starting to place a needle in his abdomen to relieve some of the pressure. Rodeo was pretty much out of it the entire time. I gave them as much history as I could as far as the events leading up to then. The doctor informed us that he was in fact bloated (meaning his stomach twisted and basically was closed off), and she started putting a tube down his throat to try to get to his stomach cavity. At the end of the tube was a bunch of blood, which wasn't a good sign. Basically, when his stomach twisted, so did all the blood vessels that are attached to it, and his stomach was dying. The doctor said that he was going to need surgery, but he really wasn't stable enough for that to take place. She then informed us that the cost would be upward of $5,000.00. I asked about a payment plan or anything we might be able to do so we could get him the help he needed. She said that unfortunately they do not do payment plans, which is completely understandable...I know how people can be about paying their animal's bills, but they do take CareCredit (which is a credit card for your animals). Well, a couple years ago, me and Chad had applied for this credit card and was turned down, so that was a no-go. We were stuck. I didn't know what to do, but then decided to try to call Dr. Cross (my previous boss and owner of Friendship Hospital for Animals).

I called and woke her up a few minutes before midnight. She talked to me, then talked to Dr. Romero (the emergency doctor), then talked to me again, then talked to Dr. Romero again (she was trying to access the situation and the costs of everything that needed to be done). I was basically asking if we could work to get Rodeo stabilized through the night, then transfer him to FHA for her to do the surgery in the morning and I could work out a payment plan with her. Chad and I went into an exam room so I could nurse Tori...she was getting very fussy. Dr. Romero came in and said that Dr. Cross was on her way to the hospital and would be there in about 15 minutes. Chad and I were trying to figure out where we would be able to get 5 grand...we were tossing around loan options and the robbing of banks, etc. We even stated talking about what we could sell for a quick profit, but we don't really have anything of great value...and definitely not anything that could get us $5,000 quick.

While we were in there, Dr. Romero came in and told us that she did a lactate test (which tests oxygen levels, or the lack thereof). She explained that anything over 4 didn't look good, and anything above a level 9 was grave. Rodeo was at an 11. She ordered another one since the test only shows what's happening at that very instant, and the first one was done before they resuscitated him. While explaining all of this, the technician came in and informed her that his test came back at 8.7. It was still very high, although it had come down a bit.

Dr. Cross arrived and went to check on Rodeo. After she did an assessment, she said that it didn't look very good. She explained everything that was going on. We asked questions as to the quality of life Rodeo would have after such a major surgery. Then, we talked about options. Chad asked about how we should handle Sake if Rodeo wasn't coming home...she is obsessed with Rodeo to the point of hurting herself to be with him (BobbiJo said that she was hovering over him the entire time the ordeal was going on earlier that night, being very protective). Dr. Cross said that we could start her on some anti-anxiety medication if necessary. I think we had made our decision. At that point I knew Rodeo wasn't coming home with us, and it was hurting my heart so bad.

They set him up in an exam room and had started him on some pain meds so he wasn't having any discomfort. He wasn't responding to my voice anymore, which isn't like my baby-boy at all. Around 1am we said our goodbyes, except Tori who was screaming at the top of her lungs...she was still hungry, and very tired. Dr. Cross came in and gave him a sedative to put him to sleep, then with us hugging him and telling him how much we loved him, she administered the euthanasia formula. It's so very peaceful, but it was like a piece of me died right then and there with him. Dax was hard, but I think Rodeo was even harder for some reason...maybe because he used to go to work with me all the time when I worked at Largo Veterinary Hospital...maybe because he traveled the country with me...maybe because he was my shadow and seemed to only really listen to me...maybe because he truly was my best friend who loved me unconditionally...

Dr. Cross said that she would get some of his fur for us and a paw print, and she would take care of getting his cremains back for us as well. Then, she informed us that she would take care of the bill and we could work something out to pay her back (she was going to be our bank even if we decided to go through with the surgery for Rodeo). She is an awesome woman, and I told her so numerous times throughout the night. I feel like FHA was kind of like my "other" family, and it's nice to know that she went above and beyond for me. I honestly don't know what we would have done if she hadn't helped us out.

The ride home was awful. Me and Chad talked about all the things we had done with Rodeo, and all the things we still had wanted to do with him. He was the only Corgi we knew who was obsessed with laser pointers and water. I'm so happy I got pictures of him swimming and even taking a bath with Miko, and I wish I would have gotten pics of him chasing that stupid laser pointer. I then told Chad that Rodeo totally bailed on him. Chad always said that he's "floating in an estrogen ocean with a male dog that has no balls," and now it's just him with all of us girls! Chad said that that was true, Rodeo did jump ship on him. We laughed and cried at that thought.

Chad is taking it hard and is beside himself. He woke me up this morning to tell me goodbye before heading to work, and started getting teary-eyed telling me that he woke up once during the night and looked for Rodeo beside the bed...which is where he normally slept. It was weird not hearing the little snores Rodeo would emit throughout the night. Sake didn't eat her dinner last night, and isn't begging to go outside like she normally does, so I think she knows he's gone. She also didn't sleep with us like she normally does. Things are so different here at our house right now. And I can't stop crying...I have no idea how all these tears keep falling, you would think that I would be all dried up by now.

Kimiko just walked out here, she's just now waking up from her sleep. I told her that Rodeo was gone, and now she's looking around for him. Okay, my heart just broke into a million pieces all over again!

October was supposed to be my lucky month...where only good things happen to me! I can't believe 11 days ago we welcomed a new member to our family only to let another beloved one go this soon after! This is killing me!!!

I know time will heal this, and we will move on, but right now...well, right now this just SUCKS!

Here are some of my favorite pictures of him...just a few of them...I have a ton. He loved having his picture taken and would ham it up for the camera. The last picture I got of him was when we brought Satori home and Christopher was holding her. Rodeo jumped up on the couch and posed for the picture as well. That's our Rodeo!!!

(Pictures are attached below)

And the follow-up email to everyone that responded (we have some amazing friends and family):

Everyone that knows me and Chad, knows how much our animals are a part of our family...they are just like our kids, and we treat them that way (I think that's why I fell so hard for Chad, because he was an animal lover just like me and understood that our furkids would be treated with nothing but love). Rodeo was my baby-boy. Me and him had been through a lot together. He KNEW when something wasn't quite right with me and would come up and start nudging my arm and want me to pet or hug him. I miss him so much...the tears are still falling.

This had to be THE toughest decision we have ever had to make at this point. With Dax, Morris, and even Barbara, we knew it was coming and it was only a matter of time before we had to let them go. Rodeo was so unexpected and sudden that it made it that much harder. When the doctors told us that he only had a 25% chance of even surviving the surgery, we knew we couldn't let him die on the surgery table...or in a cage waiting for or recovering from surgery. He wasn't doing too good when we first got there and never responded to us talking to him there...that was hard. Here was a pup that hung on my every word, and almost seemed to understand everything I said to him, and he was just staring straight ahead the entire time we were at the hospital.

I love my Rodeo and always will...I know he will be waiting for me in the afterlife with ALL my furkids...and THAT will be a reunion to write home about! :o)

We are still having a hard time with him not being here, but things are getting better. PJ has been looking at rescues, but we've agreed that we want to wait until Tori is a year old to adopt another furkid, just so PJ isn't overwhelmed with taking care of a toddler, newborn and a puppy. But, who knows, sometimes these furkids have a way of finding us!